Parenting Solo: Deny More Than Flesh PDF Print E-mail
Written by Michelle Greenlee Harris, Columnist   
Thursday, 08 November 2012 15:49

I threw my phone down on the bed as soon as I saw the text message. It was a seemingly innocent wish for me to have a good day. Tears blurred my vision as I fought with myself not to type a response. "I have to warn my daughter about moments like this" I thought. Moments when you have to sacrifice more than your flesh.

WARNING: This is going to be a grown up discussion of what is really takes to live a chaste life. Over the years I have discovered that having sexual discipline is not only spiritually healthy but it also contributes to a woman’s physical and emotional well-being. Therefore I see this as one of the rare times when private things should be made public.

Back to our story. The person whose text brought me to tears is a dear friend. He has known me and my family for years. During that time he has been trustworthy, loyal, helpful, kind and everything else in the Boy Scout motto. After my divorce the lines of our friendship became less defined and I realized he could become much more than a friend. Since he is another woman’s husband I knew that was unacceptable so I had to back away. While there is nothing wrong with a wishing someone a good day – when it can be the flint that lights an inferno it has to be avoided.

I know myself well enough to know that I am an emotional creature and that leads many of my decisions. I contend that many women are lead by our emotions – when it comes to matters of the opposite sex at least. Biology dictates that we are nurturers - so we tend to have a softer core.

Men are quite different. Primitive man had to have a more rugged constitution so he could slay the wildebeest for dinner. Now fast forward quite a few centuries and gender roles have changed – some women slay wild animals and some men are a bucket of emotions. But for the most part we still have much in common with our prehistoric ancestors – whether or not we are willing to admit it.

I have said before that women are often sexually self deceptive. By that I mean that we often lie to ourselves and others about what our emotional and physical intimacy triggers are. I will go so far as to make the bold statement that consensual sex does not "just happen". Somewhere along the line a conscious decision is made to move forward with this intimate act.

Younger, inexperienced women are often overcome by a flood of emotional and physical sensation that an intimate encounter can bring. It can often feel like a tidal wave that has swept you away. But before we lapse into a romance novel – know that human beings are supposed to have strong sexual feelings. There is really nothing mystical about it. There is an innate primal need to further the species so males and females must connect to ensure our own survival. Sex is really more science than romance (my apologies to Harlequin).

The best way to avoid the tidal wave is the old fire safety rule – stop, drop and roll. Stop whatever you are doing, drop the fella you are doing it with and roll out of the situation. Do me a favor and tap my daughter on the shoulder, I need her to pay close attention to this – STOP, DROP AND ROLL! There is very little else a sexual novice can do to stay chaste – science is working against you.

Those of us who are coming around the mountain for our second, third and fourth time can’t claim the element of surprise. If we chose to open our eyes we know sex is on the way long before it arrives. So if we plan to live the way the Lord has commanded then we have to stay as far away from danger as possible. That could be as simple as ignoring a text message from a friend.