As a parent, I am sure that the Peace Corp lied. In 1961, when they branded themselves as "the toughest job you’ll ever love" they overlooked the toughest job of all – parenting. There are times – mostly when our children are between adolescence and adulthood – that the job is so tough, we actually deserve hazardous duty pay. One of my BFF’s had so much turmoil brewing with her 15 year old son recently that her home could have been declared a hostile work environment.

Still this former helicopter parent – the kind that hovers just above their children watching their every move – stepped back and gave herself and her irreverent son some room to breathe. "I just got tired of talking and I had to show him there were consequences for his actions," she said.

He had claimed he wanted her to back off. He told his mom he was tired of being her slave. Really? Taking out the garbage is slavery? Where do kids get this stuff? When his Mom wouldn’t tolerate his disrespect, he played the old solo parent trump card, "I want to live with my Dad."

"I didn’t argue with him this time, I simply packed his clothes," said his mother calmly. That was a far cry from the reaction of a North Carolina father whose child spouted the same "slavery" nonsense in a rant on Facebook. He responded by posting a video on his daughter’s page of him riddling her laptop with hollow point bullets. Since then more than twenty three million viewers have caused the video to go viral and thousands have weighed in on whether this should be labeled tough love. I tend to see it as the waste of two things - a good laptop and an opportunity to teach. While I understand the father’s frustration I tend to believe tough love has the following characteristics:

• Tough love is still love. Tough love is not a license to be cruel. The toughness and the love must be dispensed in equal parts. Insults and violence have no place in the technique. If you find yourself wanting to punish more than teach then hit the pause button and revisit the situation when you have calmed down.

• Tough love brings peace. My friend told me she could tell this disagreement with her son was different because she was completely calm as she packed his belongings. She didn’t want him to go but she was not going to let him threaten her. She was secure in letting him bear the consequences of his choices. I have had moments like that. Times when I was very clear about the course of action I was taking and how sure I was that I was doing the right thing.

• Tough love looks toward the future. I remember when I earned my parental Facebook badge of honor. My daughter was furious with me for not defending her right to read a novel in her foreign language class instead of doing her work – as if I would ever do such a thing! When I would have no part of it, she did the same thing as that North Carolina teen and lashed out at me in what she thought was a "secret post". My response did not involve a firearm. I simply encouraged all who read it to love their kids enough to do what is best for them in the future – even if the present child hates you for it. I was not at all concerned about the pouting teenager standing in my face. I knew that the thirty year old in the future would thank me.

Parenting is full of on the job training and teenagers are a moving target. One part grown up – one part child - it can be confusing. MAD Magazine describes teenagers as "people who act like babies if they’re not treated like adults". Proving that point, my friend’s son spent two days with his Dad and was back home by the end of the weekend. That’s one point for tough love, zero points for teenage rebellion – no firearm needed.